Master Of Diagrams
Paranormal Novice
10. You lost your arm in a bus accident, and while the aliens could have reattached it, the operation would have left the world with true evidence of their existence so, they have decided instead to allow you to photograph their ships and you have been busy out in the European countryside doing just that.
9.You spent the entirety of last week aboard an alien disc and never did discover where the restroom was.
8. The psychic slit at the base of your spine popped open again and you have been too busy compulsively doing cool kung fu poses to bother with listening to anything.
7. You spent the last week in an empty farm field trying to vector in alien babies to cradle in your arms but you can say little more about the incident because of the non-discloser papers you signed just after paying the outrageous service charge to learn how to do it.
6. You were listening to Coast to Coast AM when George Noory’s soothing voice and through provoking banter worked you into the light; lulling you into a coma.
5. You live in Key West, don’t own a computer, and have all of your UFO news snail mailed to you by third parties.
4. The last time you listened to an episode and played along to the Jeff Ritzmann drinking game you blacked out, woke up three days later at a truck stop in Southern Ohio with a fresh tattoo, and found out that you got married to an alien. But the worst part of it all was that you had no gas money to get home and knew that once you did, mom and dad were going to kill you.
3. Your Authorized American Media Representative was too busy stirring up bad publicity that he forgot to tell you that there was a new episode out.
2. You couldn’t find a babysitter for your starchild skull.
1. You came down with a bad outbreak of the Rockoids.
9.You spent the entirety of last week aboard an alien disc and never did discover where the restroom was.
8. The psychic slit at the base of your spine popped open again and you have been too busy compulsively doing cool kung fu poses to bother with listening to anything.
7. You spent the last week in an empty farm field trying to vector in alien babies to cradle in your arms but you can say little more about the incident because of the non-discloser papers you signed just after paying the outrageous service charge to learn how to do it.
6. You were listening to Coast to Coast AM when George Noory’s soothing voice and through provoking banter worked you into the light; lulling you into a coma.
5. You live in Key West, don’t own a computer, and have all of your UFO news snail mailed to you by third parties.
4. The last time you listened to an episode and played along to the Jeff Ritzmann drinking game you blacked out, woke up three days later at a truck stop in Southern Ohio with a fresh tattoo, and found out that you got married to an alien. But the worst part of it all was that you had no gas money to get home and knew that once you did, mom and dad were going to kill you.
3. Your Authorized American Media Representative was too busy stirring up bad publicity that he forgot to tell you that there was a new episode out.
2. You couldn’t find a babysitter for your starchild skull.
1. You came down with a bad outbreak of the Rockoids.
