AL GORE LIED! ORANGE GROVES DIED!
There are only 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary math and those who don't.
87.4% of all statistics are invented on the fly.
I am Popeye of Borg. You will be askimilgrated.
"Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm assimiwating a wace." -- Fudd of Borg
"I am Mr. Rogers of Borg. It's a beautiful day to assimilate, a beautiful day to assimilate. Oh, won't you join the collective?"
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog--- Dorothy
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beware of dragons, for we are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Boycott shampoo!!! Demand REAL poo!
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
If you are psychic--think "HONK."
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE
Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly,
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2;
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6;
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call;
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press;
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.