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A lifetime of abductions


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G

GDT

Skilled Investigator
I have recently been posting parts of my lifetime stories on another site as I think getting it out could be therapeutic. I tried it once at a IF meeting as a speaker on an abduction panel and although it was scary, it helped short term. Years have gone by and I am feeling better about all my experiences and started posting them as I was diagnosed with cancer and thought I should tell about my experiences just in case.(I got the biopsy results last week and they got it all) I never shared all of my stories with Budd Hopkins, as I was just too scared and thought he was probably overwhelmed with so many others to help - that he didn't need another basketcase. Anyways here is a link to another site where I have posted some of my ---lifetime of abductions---

http://www.alienabductee.org/forum/index.php?topic=112.0
 
GDT said:
I have recently been posting parts of my lifetime stories on another site as I think getting it out could be therapeutic. I tried it once at a IF meeting as a speaker on an abduction panel and although it was scary, it helped short term. Years have gone by and I am feeling better about all my experiences and started posting them as I was diagnosed with cancer and thought I should tell about my experiences just in case.(I got the biopsy results last week and they got it all) I never shared all of my stories with Budd Hopkins, as I was just too scared and thought he was probably overwhelmed with so many others to help - that he didn't need another basketcase. Anyways here is a link to another site where I have posted some of my ---lifetime of abductions---

http://www.alienabductee.org/forum/index.php?topic=112.0

Oh, if the administrators want to contact Budd to verify that aspect ... I am the guy he wrote about in his newsletter...about four of us abducted in the desert..... he might also remember my only regression as he brought me out of it pretty fast... I think he was worried I was going to have a heart attack... Say hi to him if you do talk to him, I would love to reconnect. Tell him I am sorry for disappearing, but my last abduction (sperm collection) scared me absolutely silly and I had to try to isolate myself from the subject.
Click to expand...

Good luck with your cancer battle. Happy to hear you seem to be winning so far!

EDIT -- would it be possible for you to copy/paste your write ups from that other site? It requires registration to view the thread. I dont really mind registering but I guarantee you if you paste it here you will get much more feedback.
 
I will try to cut and paste all my posts from that web site, hopefully into a readable form. Excuse the length and if anything is repeated as these posts had questions and then my answers over time.. Whoa, this could be five pages long.. I hope that is ok
 
Sorry if this story jumps all over the place, but I cut and pasted it from the other site and cut it down in size as it was too big to post here. I have tried posting it over and over, but it is too big and cutting in down to 20000 words doesn't work, so I am going post it as an attachment.
 

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GDT,

I read thru most of this info on the alienabductee.org site.

There is a sense of palpable frenetic anxiety in those pages. My heart goes out to you.

I'm dealing with a similar thing personally, but not as intense as what you are describing.

I've been open about my experiences lately, and the response has been truly impressive. I feel strongly that the world has changed, and that a lot more people are open to this type of claim.

I've had some grief (right here on this forum) but it was easy for me to not get stuck in the harsh talk. It just didn't "feel" like they were talking about me.

If your heart says talk about this stuff, then let it out. I think you'll find a few peripheral friends fade away, but some totally new and really accepting people will appear right when you need them.

You've had a lot in your life to be afraid of - I understand that.

But please - Don't be afraid of confiding in people.

THis anonymous forum is a really easy place to start. You will probably run into some negative folks. My advice, don't let them drag you down. THere are LOTS more open-hearted folks out there.

Give 'em a chance to find you.

Peace (and I mean it!)

Mike C!
 
I can understand the anger you feel towards these things. I have no memory of ever having had anything painful occur in my experiences, but just the knowledge that whatever it is can have it's way with you anytime and anywhere used to drive me to the point of rage. I became a recluse. I had loaded guns and knives within easy reach at all times. I wanted to kill these bastards. I like to imagine I am more healthy mentally these days. The edge has rolled off the hard feelings over time.
I have mixed feelings about hypnotic regression, but I have lately considered trying it. I've had two encounters with others present. We have rarely even brought the subject up in over a decade. One of the witnesses was left in a semi-catatonic state for several minutes and has almost complete amnesia of the event. If they would agree to hypnosis, I would give it a try. I think it would be interesting to compare our memories of the events.
Have any of the other people who were with you been hynotically regressed?
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Thanks MikeC, your concern and advice helps..

My heart goes out to you, as you are dealing with this as well. I really wish there was a safe place for people like us to share without the doubt or ridicule.

Other people have no idea how hard it is to accept/believe what happens to us. I still have a hard time as this is just too surreal... I don't care how many people witness it, whether it is reported on the radio and in the newspaper..... it is still hard to accept.
 
Skunkape... None of the others have been, nor want to be regressed. They remember the experience on their own and are too scared or just don't want to talk about it.. As my brother would say.."why bring up or think about it, as it just scares or depresses me, so just forget about it"... My sister-in-law walks away...My mom asked her once...is this all true. and she almost cried, with eyes downcast...told her-- yes...I don't want to think about that...and my mom says she just didn't want to upset her anymore and dropped it.

All of us remember both encounters,daytime, upclose experiences. The others, I was alone or I didn't know the people in the cars ahead or behind me. I didn't gain any additional memories from my regression, other than I was driving, but always thought my brother was. (after the four or five hours lost time- I was in the passenger seat)

Oh, the anger and being a recluse is common. I would work like a dog even after hours, but run home to be alone. Forget parties, social functions, hell I woudn't attend award parties where I was going to get an award from work.

This is all PTSD... I copied the symptoms from a government site a few weeks ago...... Read them and weep... it pissed me off big time seeing my lifes story.
[FONT=&quot]<!--[endif]-->[/FONT]
 
[FONT=&quot]PTSD: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Diagnostic criteria for 309.81 Posttraumatic Stress Disorder [/FONT][FONT=&quot]as described by the American Psychiatric Association in the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following
were present:

(1) the person experienced witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events
that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the
physical integrity of others

(2) the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Note: In
children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior.

B. The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in one (or more) of the
following ways:

(1) recurrent and distressing recollections of the event, including images,
thoughts, or perceptions. Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur
in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.

(2) Recurrent distressing dreams of the event. Note: in children, there may be
frightening dreams without recognizable content.

(3) acting or feeling if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of
reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback
episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
Note: In young children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.

(4) Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that
symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

(5) Physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that
symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general
responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three or more of
the following:

(1) efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the
trauma

(2) efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the
trauma

(3) inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma

(4) markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities

(5) feeling of detachment or estrangement from others

(6) restricted range of affect. (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)

(7) Sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career,
marriage, children, or a normal life span)

D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as
indicated by two (or more) of the following:

(1) difficulty falling or staying asleep

(2) irritability or outbursts of anger

(3) difficulty concentrating

(4) hypervigilance

(5) exaggerated startle response

E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than one
month.

F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social,
occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->[/FONT]
 
I hate to admit as much, I like to pretend I'm bullet-proof and invincible, but about half the symptoms on that list are things I commonly experience.
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I have been intently listening to the Paracast as well as reading a few posts on this forum and have a few angry comments. :mad:

Researchers and even the hosts of the show wonder why so many witnesses never come forward? (example- Chicago airport UFO show)

Just take a look on any forum, including this one..... There are threads discussing mental disorders as the explaination for people who see something. Abductees and most people who see UFO's are lonely, mentally unstable, attention seeking losers.

So -what do you expect. Anyone who reluctantly searches for information about this field, because they were personally exposed to something, would run after reading the postings.

I suggest all abductees and experiencers stop talking to any one... as there is no help out there except being able to talk to each other.. We need a web site where debunkers and angry, lonely, attention getting losers/sceptics/ (cough)-experts - most who will never believe us (WHO CARES)--- are banned from posting their tripe.

What is the hell is a researcher? Someone who tries to explain how WE feel, or describe what WE experienced - in their words, thru their filters ---and call themselves experts because they talked to a hundred of US. HA... Then they whip up the most absurb theories to sell books or get speaking engagements for attention... Have they learned anything? NO... Is there now more or better help for US? NO...

God, it seems like the vast majority of the people in this field are self appointed researchers, angry debunkers/sceptics, or self deluted wantabees.. THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES talking and seeking attention trying to prove how smart they are.. SICK ... all the while - the experiencers and abductees suffer our own battle with shock and denial--- in silence--- with no safe place for help.
 
I have spent the last couple of weekends talking to my mother about my experiences and the effects on me and finally asking if she or her parents/family had anything weird happen. WOW, what a can of worms. There is so much that happened to them going back to her grandparents that was whispered about because they considered it to be associated to evil . (my heritage is Hutterite and of many of these relatives were ministers). She also has the following - that concerns me---that to this day confuses her. Nothing made sense then and she still says it still bothers her.

After telling her how this has affected me and details of other abductions she didn't know about (ones where my brother wasn't there) and talking about things ...she mentioned that when I was two (1956-7) I stopped walking because of pain in my knee and I only could crawl to get around. When she took me to the doctor he thought it could be because I was looking for attention -as we had a new baby in the house. Mom insisted that wasn't it as she had seen me crawling to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He ordered X Rays of my knee. It turned out I had a mysterious black object in my knee and they could not figure out how it got there or what it was.

I was checked into the hospital (in town and not at the airforce base) and my parents were NOT allowed to visit me for the whole month I was there. No surgery was done, but she finally refused to take anymore excuses from them and took me out of the hospital after one month. They had put a cast over my leg and refused to remove it. After almost seven months (saw picture she had) we were transfered to Claireholm airforce base and mom took me 80 miles into Calgary hospital to get the cast removed. Somehow the object had disappeared. To this day she still doesn't understand what happened or why she had such trouble with the hospital staff as none of their explainations made any sense. Shit, this would be my second implant. (nose surgery as an adult- where the doctor asked me after surgery..."how the hell did I get this weird piece of metal behind the bone"...

STRANGE

I going out tonight to visit her as I thought it might be good to video tape these stories...(she is having major health issues and I am afraid she won't be around for much longer)... I also asked my brother to come over for a beer and see if I can calm him enough to videotape him about our shared up close encounters in the desert (4 of us) and the one in Victoria (3 of us and hundreds on the radio and newspaper). I will probably try to do his out of focus as he owns his own business and would be afraid of losing clients if this ever became public. (I hope he agrees to be filmed)

Next I will try to get my other brother on film about some other weird stuff going back to when we shared a room when I was five.
 
It can be a bitch dealing with this stuff, but you can't let it drag you down. If you do, it will, and no good ever comes of it. Let the debunkers debunk till the cows come home. They can think I'm crazy. I can think they are stupid assholes. That's what makes this country great. Sometimes you're just stuck with what was given to you. The best I've gathered is no human being on this planet really knows what the hell is going on, and the situation may very well remain that way, possibly forever.
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Hey, thanks... I needed to laugh. I like your spunk and good old fashioned way of speaking... I feel better.
 
A lifetime of Experiences

Skunkape... and MikeC--- it seems like you both have gone through similar experiences and may have learned to deal with this? I have opened a huge can of worms and have no idea how to put the lid back on. I've heard too much from my mom (shit this goes back so far in our family) and I am overwhelmed with anxiety, fear,anger and sadness. I have never slept well,, but now it is worst and I am having a hard time keeping my mind off this at work.

How the hell do I go back to the comfort of denial again.

Have you guys ever gone to a shrink? and if so were you treated for PTSD? I can't find any self help books and the internet is just full of wackos offering help, but I am not gullable enough to believe I could be saved by spinning around counter clock wise, while repeating the lords prayer and swinging a dead chicken back and forth..

SHIT... this is like being in the movie Clockwork Orange.
 
I feel your pain and wish you the best. I've kept my mouth shut for many years and told no one. A couple of years ago, I told my husband everything I could remember about my abduction experiences. It was one of the better days I've had. He had been waiting for me to say something. Come to find out, one night he saw one of the creatures in our bedroom.
 
PamiP

Fantastic... I know how hard that must have been for you. It is scary telling anyone about something this crazy, especially someone you don't want to lose. Friends, who cares, as if they can't believe you, they aren't really friends.

How are you doing with this?

This helps finding others who may understand the surreal world we live in and maybe find out how they learned to cope.
 
A lifetime of Experiences

GDT said:
Skunkape... and MikeC--- it seems like you both have gone through similar experiences and may have learned to deal with this? I have opened a huge can of worms and have no idea how to put the lid back on. I've heard too much from my mom (shit this goes back so far in our family) and I am overwhelmed with anxiety, fear,anger and sadness. I have never slept well,, but now it is worst and I am having a hard time keeping my mind off this at work.

How the hell do I go back to the comfort of denial again.

Have you guys ever gone to a shrink? and if so were you treated for PTSD? I can't find any self help books and the internet is just full of wackos offering help, but I am not gullable enough to believe I could be saved by spinning around counter clock wise, while repeating the lords prayer and swinging a dead chicken back and forth..

SHIT... this is like being in the movie Clockwork Orange.
Click to expand...

I wish I had an easy answer for you. Harboring fear and anger seems to be useless at best.
I've never been to a shrink. I fear being labeled nuts and put on meds if I did so.
Just don't worry, be happy and remember that Life is good. When that doesn't work, drink heavily. I have no better advice.
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GDT said:
PamiP

Fantastic... I know how hard that must have been for you. It is scary telling anyone about something this crazy, especially someone you don't want to lose. Friends, who cares, as if they can't believe you, they aren't really friends.

How are you doing with this?

This helps finding others who may understand the surreal world we live in and maybe find out how they learned to cope.
Click to expand...

Right now, I'm dealing with it day by day. I wasn't visited for a couple of decades, and thought they were through with me. I guess they came back to see how how I was doing and if they did a good job messing me up. I hope they find their answers and leave me alone for good this time.

I don't post much on the forum, but I read a lot of the postings and I've learned a lot from others that post here. It's comforting to know that we are not alone and that others are seeking answers as well.
 
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