questionless
Paranormal Novice
<o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com<img src=" images="" smilies="" redface.gif="" border="0" alt="" title="Embarrassment" smilieid="2" class="inlineimg"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com<img src=" images="" smilies="" redface.gif="" border="0" alt="" title="Embarrassment" smilieid="2" class="inlineimg"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w
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ontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]-->I've been lurking here for awhile and after the most recent show,
I've decided to input my long, but brief, experiences.
It seems that the Mike Clelland show brought to mind much of the below.
Thanks Gene and David. Your shows are excellent and quite thought provoking.
Note: NOTHING Earth-shattering here so those with a low
threshold to the mundane, please move on !
In my earlier years, 5th-6th grade, I read a paperback titled
'Strange But True'.
It was a book of fantastic stories that involved 'weird' things like:
cows being witnessed rising and levitating in mid-air, an ornamental stone ball being knocked from a driveway-gate pillar, falling to the ground, breaking open, whence a frog jumped from the debris and hopped away. I don't remember specifically of any discussion of ufos, although there may have been. Just oddball stuff.
That kind of stuff has always seemed to be intriguing to me.
Fast-forward to 20 yrs. old, 1975. I became interested in ufos and subscribed to the Mufon monthly ufo publication, I looked forward to the arrival every month and eagerly read the issue immediately. I also traveled to Dayton in 1978 for the Mufon Symposium. I don't remember much of this except that Hynek and Keyhoe were there.
During this period of time, I was exploring many avenues to engage my interests and gain knowledge, so no one subject occupied my time in general. I was working full-time in a 'blue collar' manufacturing environment at a very decent wage for my area.
Ok, enough of the background.
Beware: everything below can easily be explained by any decent, Undergraduate Psychology major.
During my childhood, I remember very many many times, waking in the middle of the night screaming and crying in terror / fear. Often, my mother would be by my side, other times, not immediately. A typical nightmare.
I really cannot give a frequency for these, however I would have to guess that it happened 3-5 times per year in the early days. I'm on the verge of tears right now while typing this.
As time and age moved on, I began to examine these dreams and they became less frightening. In fact, in the later years, I reached a point where in my sleep, I was able to be aware, consciously, that this was the 'bad dream', which I had been experiencing all these years.
As time passed, I was able to control the fear that was involved, and pay attention to the actual dream. I distinctly remembering during the period of time of gaining 'consciousness', and control of the dream to the point of, once during the dream, I had a big smile on my face. This reflecting the 'conquering' of the fear. This was probably in my late teens.
I guess that the term ‘fear’ should be changed to ‘anxiety’ during this point in time.
The dream was always identical.
The setup is difficult to explain because I was sort-of, well, external to ME, observing ME, from some small distance away. This observation point was slightly elevated and to the rear right of ME.
I was not identifiable; however, I knew it was ME, who stood before what seemed to be an enormous 'mountain'. It wasn't actually a mountain, but interpreted as a two-dimensional mountain, almost like a triangle, the top of which never quite visible.
The feeling was that there was depth as well, although I could not perceive it. All was a deep gray to charcoal color, with a slight color distinction between myself and the 'mountain'. I forget which was darker, but I think it was me.
No big deal there. Where the problem existed, is that as I stood in front of the 'mountain', there was some enormous task that I somehow knew that I was 'required' to perform. No voices, no beings, just the ‘understanding’.
In later retrospect, this task was so insurmountable, that I knew that I would never, ever, be able to accomplish it. This burden of accomplishment, with the knowledge of impossibility, is what caused the tremendous anxiety that accompanied that dream, all of those years. What’s interesting here is that the ratio of ME to the ‘mountain’ was about 1-7, assuming the non-viewable apex of the triangle / mountain.
During this same period of time of experimenting with the dream, I became aware of the ability to predict when the 'dream' would occur. As I was on the cusp of falling off to sleep, a strange transformation would happen. It is somewhat similar to the 'external to ME, observing ME', above, but not the same.
As I was right on the edge, I would feel the sensation of being far removed from myself. I was not 'seeing myself', I was just knowing that I was not with 'me'. This feeling lasted only briefly, but I was quite aware of it, as it was happening.
(as a side note, the closest I am able to approximate this feeling, and not exact, is a few times in the past, that I was inclined to ‘lie’ about a specific, seemingly serious, situation. This has occurred very few times, mostly in my problem teen times. As a rule, my life has been quite honest, almost to the point of unnecessary bluntness. Those who are ‘people observant’ have seen this in others at times.)
As time and the dreams went on, I was able to coincide the pre-sleep happening with the 'dream' happening, thereby linking the two.
The above happened somewhat regularly until I was the ripe old age of 25, after many years of slight to moderate depression, divorce, aimless direction and many wasted evenings.
As I lay in bed one evening about to fall asleep, the sensation 'of being far removed from myself' again appeared and I knew tonight was another 'dream night'.
I cannot really explain or even say what thought process occurred, or even describe the rational. But at that point, on that night, I swept away the anxiety that my divorce had been causing. Nearly in the blink of an eye, the two sources of anxiety in my life, one lasting 20 years and the second a handful, were gone. Not until sometime later was I to realize that the 'dream' had vanished that same night.
Ok, what does all of this have to do with anything ?
In 2005, I sold my home and moved into a rental. Good time to sell by the way. I knew that when my son went to college in a few years that I would be moving away from the city area, preferably to the mountains. I did not want to get involved with the purchase of another property at the 'top of the housing market'.
Being the lazy person that I am, rather than continuing to seek income, I'm 'self-employed', I decided to take a break for awhile and live from savings.
One of the areas that I began to spend time with, was, what else, ufos and the attendant phenomenon. I really had not paid much attention at all with them for 25 years.
I spent the requisite countless hours online and waded through all of the crap. Sometimes 15 hrs. would pass in the blink of an eye. I got sucked-in to various thought processes, conspiracies etc. along the way.
During this same period, I began to examine where we, as a nation and a peoples, were coming from and where we may be headed. What I began to feel and learn did not leave me with any amount of comfort.
I experienced a certain amount of guilt, as I do today, due to the fact that I felt that I was seeing so much of what most other people apparently were not seeing. The war in the early years, the inattention to the plight of the peoples in other lands in which we influenced, our desire for excessiveness, the greed and zeal for power etc.
The guilt stemmed from the fact that I 'knew' what was happening, yet I was no better than they. I was doing nothing to attempt to fix what I saw as wrong.
Well, this Endeavour for knowledge led me to x-conference 2008. I went searching for answers to questions which I did not know. I left the conference with some ideas which I pursued quite vigorously for a brief period of time. In the end I realized that the effort was not at all in the proper direction.
Ok, if there's anything interesting in this story, here is where it begins.
While at the x-conference, I spoke with a retired couple. It seemed that there were quite a few there. We were talking in general and got around to talking of personal sightings etc. The wife indicated that while a 'military-wife', she had witnessed a clear ufo in front of a hanger at an AFB.
We continued talking for some time and we got into personal stuff about ourselves that one usually would not disclose quite so freely. I guess we were comfortable with one another. At an appropriate time in one portion of the conversation, I indicated to her of my often times fear of going to bed and also the implications of my penchant for liquid amnesia. She suggested that there may be some specific reason that these things occur. We kinda dropped it at that.
The though did not leave me however.
During this period in the summer of 2008, I began to attempt to put together some things.
When I was five, two of my younger siblings and I were having some type jovial fun in the afternoon. We were in a second floor bedroom in a house that we had recently moved into. We were laughing and having fun and were physically close to one another. From the bedroom, we were able to see into the hallway where a 'walled' stairway existed to the downstairs. We could not see the actual stairwell walls.
As we were laughing and having fun, we all suddenly stopped and kinda reached and grabbed or touched one another as we almost simultaneously saw the same thing. The hallway was not lighted although it was daytime and there was a certain amount of daylight in the area from a couple of windows.
What we saw, somewhat stacked, were three heads peering around the walled stairway, at the top of the stairs. It was rather odd in that they would have to have been one on top of the other. They were definitely visible to us. They were rather non-descript and I really don't remember exact details but I do remember they were not 'normal' looking.
In 1960, I probably had not been exposed to any pics of 'greys' and although what we saw could be construed to be them, they were not the classic extra-large head and almond eyes guys. They were simply something different and unusual.
What happened immediately after, I have no idea. I know that at some time nearly afterward all three of us talked to my mother and we all agreed what we saw. She of course said that we were 'seeing things'. Well she was right. Being five at the time, I guess we took her word as gospel and put it from our minds.
I have never forgotten about the incident and in the years since, I have asked my younger siblings who may have been with me, there are three possibilities, if they can recall any of this. They cannot.
So, as the summer of 2008 rolls on, I'm still searching for answers to questions which I have no clear idea of. As I'm contemplating the above, I called my mother to discuss the three heads and my nightmares. She has no recollection of the 'three head' discussion, however she did indicate that my nightmares started during this same timeframe, that being not long after we moved into the new home.
As summer headed toward fall, I continued my search for the question-less answers. As I contemplated higher-beings and their potential involvement with us, I began to feel as though there was more to all of this than the 'nuts n bolts' aspect.
One particular period, I had stumbled upon one of the many worthless videos we find while squandering our time on the internet. I have no idea what this video portrayed or even it's genre.
What I am certain of is that the music was very very dark. I watched / listened to this one time and moved on. Within the next 24 hours, this music began to replay in my head. Over a period of about a week, this music began to pop into my brain and would play over and over one to many times. It would them stop, possibly due to my attention to something specific. I have no idea what stimulus caused an individual outburst.
After a few days, within about a week, I realized that this music that was surfacing periodically, was beginning to have an adverse impact on my emotional and physical health. I actually suffered slight trembling at times when this was occurring. I racked my brain trying to determine what was happening. I had no idea.
As the situation was worsening, one day I was walking to my local convenience store and it started again. As I was walking, I was totally perplexed in my attempt at explanation. In a desperate move, I looked to the sky and mentally said ”man, if you guys are out there, I could really use some help right now”.
Well, in the slightest period of time imaginable, the song or music or tune, whatever it was, clicked-out and was immediately replaced by another that I had heard the same day as I had heard the ‘dark’ one. This secondary tune or whatever, played out in my mind for a short period and both have disappeared since.
So, what does all of this mean ? I have no idea. The events have occurred as described and in sequence.
As indicated, I have experienced depression for a large portion of my life. The ‘heaviest’ ending about 30 years ago on the night reconciliation. I still experience periods of melancholy, however I have grown to appreciate these when compared to my past. It almost brings to mind the same smile that I felt that first time I realized I had control of the anxiety the ‘dream’ produced.
The ‘dark’ song or melody ? Don’t even ask. I have no desire to even consider searching for it.
That song situation is probably the absolute weirdest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It may be explainable is certain circles, however I have studied and read of many subjects and I fail to link it to anything. Period
I will also say that this is the first time, ever, that anyone, has heard the full story. Only bits and pieces to various persons have been alluded to. Including my mother.
Sorry for the lengthly post, I was unable to edit any further.
Oh ! What was the task that was required of me in my 'dream' ?
I still do not know, I can only surmise
I sure wish that I did
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It seems that the Mike Clelland show brought to mind much of the below.
Thanks Gene and David. Your shows are excellent and quite thought provoking.
Note: NOTHING Earth-shattering here so those with a low
threshold to the mundane, please move on !
In my earlier years, 5th-6th grade, I read a paperback titled
'Strange But True'.
It was a book of fantastic stories that involved 'weird' things like:
cows being witnessed rising and levitating in mid-air, an ornamental stone ball being knocked from a driveway-gate pillar, falling to the ground, breaking open, whence a frog jumped from the debris and hopped away. I don't remember specifically of any discussion of ufos, although there may have been. Just oddball stuff.
That kind of stuff has always seemed to be intriguing to me.
Fast-forward to 20 yrs. old, 1975. I became interested in ufos and subscribed to the Mufon monthly ufo publication, I looked forward to the arrival every month and eagerly read the issue immediately. I also traveled to Dayton in 1978 for the Mufon Symposium. I don't remember much of this except that Hynek and Keyhoe were there.
During this period of time, I was exploring many avenues to engage my interests and gain knowledge, so no one subject occupied my time in general. I was working full-time in a 'blue collar' manufacturing environment at a very decent wage for my area.
Ok, enough of the background.
Beware: everything below can easily be explained by any decent, Undergraduate Psychology major.
During my childhood, I remember very many many times, waking in the middle of the night screaming and crying in terror / fear. Often, my mother would be by my side, other times, not immediately. A typical nightmare.
I really cannot give a frequency for these, however I would have to guess that it happened 3-5 times per year in the early days. I'm on the verge of tears right now while typing this.
As time and age moved on, I began to examine these dreams and they became less frightening. In fact, in the later years, I reached a point where in my sleep, I was able to be aware, consciously, that this was the 'bad dream', which I had been experiencing all these years.
As time passed, I was able to control the fear that was involved, and pay attention to the actual dream. I distinctly remembering during the period of time of gaining 'consciousness', and control of the dream to the point of, once during the dream, I had a big smile on my face. This reflecting the 'conquering' of the fear. This was probably in my late teens.
I guess that the term ‘fear’ should be changed to ‘anxiety’ during this point in time.
The dream was always identical.
The setup is difficult to explain because I was sort-of, well, external to ME, observing ME, from some small distance away. This observation point was slightly elevated and to the rear right of ME.
I was not identifiable; however, I knew it was ME, who stood before what seemed to be an enormous 'mountain'. It wasn't actually a mountain, but interpreted as a two-dimensional mountain, almost like a triangle, the top of which never quite visible.
The feeling was that there was depth as well, although I could not perceive it. All was a deep gray to charcoal color, with a slight color distinction between myself and the 'mountain'. I forget which was darker, but I think it was me.
No big deal there. Where the problem existed, is that as I stood in front of the 'mountain', there was some enormous task that I somehow knew that I was 'required' to perform. No voices, no beings, just the ‘understanding’.
In later retrospect, this task was so insurmountable, that I knew that I would never, ever, be able to accomplish it. This burden of accomplishment, with the knowledge of impossibility, is what caused the tremendous anxiety that accompanied that dream, all of those years. What’s interesting here is that the ratio of ME to the ‘mountain’ was about 1-7, assuming the non-viewable apex of the triangle / mountain.
During this same period of time of experimenting with the dream, I became aware of the ability to predict when the 'dream' would occur. As I was on the cusp of falling off to sleep, a strange transformation would happen. It is somewhat similar to the 'external to ME, observing ME', above, but not the same.
As I was right on the edge, I would feel the sensation of being far removed from myself. I was not 'seeing myself', I was just knowing that I was not with 'me'. This feeling lasted only briefly, but I was quite aware of it, as it was happening.
(as a side note, the closest I am able to approximate this feeling, and not exact, is a few times in the past, that I was inclined to ‘lie’ about a specific, seemingly serious, situation. This has occurred very few times, mostly in my problem teen times. As a rule, my life has been quite honest, almost to the point of unnecessary bluntness. Those who are ‘people observant’ have seen this in others at times.)
As time and the dreams went on, I was able to coincide the pre-sleep happening with the 'dream' happening, thereby linking the two.
The above happened somewhat regularly until I was the ripe old age of 25, after many years of slight to moderate depression, divorce, aimless direction and many wasted evenings.
As I lay in bed one evening about to fall asleep, the sensation 'of being far removed from myself' again appeared and I knew tonight was another 'dream night'.
I cannot really explain or even say what thought process occurred, or even describe the rational. But at that point, on that night, I swept away the anxiety that my divorce had been causing. Nearly in the blink of an eye, the two sources of anxiety in my life, one lasting 20 years and the second a handful, were gone. Not until sometime later was I to realize that the 'dream' had vanished that same night.
Ok, what does all of this have to do with anything ?
In 2005, I sold my home and moved into a rental. Good time to sell by the way. I knew that when my son went to college in a few years that I would be moving away from the city area, preferably to the mountains. I did not want to get involved with the purchase of another property at the 'top of the housing market'.
Being the lazy person that I am, rather than continuing to seek income, I'm 'self-employed', I decided to take a break for awhile and live from savings.
One of the areas that I began to spend time with, was, what else, ufos and the attendant phenomenon. I really had not paid much attention at all with them for 25 years.
I spent the requisite countless hours online and waded through all of the crap. Sometimes 15 hrs. would pass in the blink of an eye. I got sucked-in to various thought processes, conspiracies etc. along the way.
During this same period, I began to examine where we, as a nation and a peoples, were coming from and where we may be headed. What I began to feel and learn did not leave me with any amount of comfort.
I experienced a certain amount of guilt, as I do today, due to the fact that I felt that I was seeing so much of what most other people apparently were not seeing. The war in the early years, the inattention to the plight of the peoples in other lands in which we influenced, our desire for excessiveness, the greed and zeal for power etc.
The guilt stemmed from the fact that I 'knew' what was happening, yet I was no better than they. I was doing nothing to attempt to fix what I saw as wrong.
Well, this Endeavour for knowledge led me to x-conference 2008. I went searching for answers to questions which I did not know. I left the conference with some ideas which I pursued quite vigorously for a brief period of time. In the end I realized that the effort was not at all in the proper direction.
Ok, if there's anything interesting in this story, here is where it begins.
While at the x-conference, I spoke with a retired couple. It seemed that there were quite a few there. We were talking in general and got around to talking of personal sightings etc. The wife indicated that while a 'military-wife', she had witnessed a clear ufo in front of a hanger at an AFB.
We continued talking for some time and we got into personal stuff about ourselves that one usually would not disclose quite so freely. I guess we were comfortable with one another. At an appropriate time in one portion of the conversation, I indicated to her of my often times fear of going to bed and also the implications of my penchant for liquid amnesia. She suggested that there may be some specific reason that these things occur. We kinda dropped it at that.
The though did not leave me however.
During this period in the summer of 2008, I began to attempt to put together some things.
When I was five, two of my younger siblings and I were having some type jovial fun in the afternoon. We were in a second floor bedroom in a house that we had recently moved into. We were laughing and having fun and were physically close to one another. From the bedroom, we were able to see into the hallway where a 'walled' stairway existed to the downstairs. We could not see the actual stairwell walls.
As we were laughing and having fun, we all suddenly stopped and kinda reached and grabbed or touched one another as we almost simultaneously saw the same thing. The hallway was not lighted although it was daytime and there was a certain amount of daylight in the area from a couple of windows.
What we saw, somewhat stacked, were three heads peering around the walled stairway, at the top of the stairs. It was rather odd in that they would have to have been one on top of the other. They were definitely visible to us. They were rather non-descript and I really don't remember exact details but I do remember they were not 'normal' looking.
In 1960, I probably had not been exposed to any pics of 'greys' and although what we saw could be construed to be them, they were not the classic extra-large head and almond eyes guys. They were simply something different and unusual.
What happened immediately after, I have no idea. I know that at some time nearly afterward all three of us talked to my mother and we all agreed what we saw. She of course said that we were 'seeing things'. Well she was right. Being five at the time, I guess we took her word as gospel and put it from our minds.
I have never forgotten about the incident and in the years since, I have asked my younger siblings who may have been with me, there are three possibilities, if they can recall any of this. They cannot.
So, as the summer of 2008 rolls on, I'm still searching for answers to questions which I have no clear idea of. As I'm contemplating the above, I called my mother to discuss the three heads and my nightmares. She has no recollection of the 'three head' discussion, however she did indicate that my nightmares started during this same timeframe, that being not long after we moved into the new home.
As summer headed toward fall, I continued my search for the question-less answers. As I contemplated higher-beings and their potential involvement with us, I began to feel as though there was more to all of this than the 'nuts n bolts' aspect.
One particular period, I had stumbled upon one of the many worthless videos we find while squandering our time on the internet. I have no idea what this video portrayed or even it's genre.
What I am certain of is that the music was very very dark. I watched / listened to this one time and moved on. Within the next 24 hours, this music began to replay in my head. Over a period of about a week, this music began to pop into my brain and would play over and over one to many times. It would them stop, possibly due to my attention to something specific. I have no idea what stimulus caused an individual outburst.
After a few days, within about a week, I realized that this music that was surfacing periodically, was beginning to have an adverse impact on my emotional and physical health. I actually suffered slight trembling at times when this was occurring. I racked my brain trying to determine what was happening. I had no idea.
As the situation was worsening, one day I was walking to my local convenience store and it started again. As I was walking, I was totally perplexed in my attempt at explanation. In a desperate move, I looked to the sky and mentally said ”man, if you guys are out there, I could really use some help right now”.
Well, in the slightest period of time imaginable, the song or music or tune, whatever it was, clicked-out and was immediately replaced by another that I had heard the same day as I had heard the ‘dark’ one. This secondary tune or whatever, played out in my mind for a short period and both have disappeared since.
So, what does all of this mean ? I have no idea. The events have occurred as described and in sequence.
As indicated, I have experienced depression for a large portion of my life. The ‘heaviest’ ending about 30 years ago on the night reconciliation. I still experience periods of melancholy, however I have grown to appreciate these when compared to my past. It almost brings to mind the same smile that I felt that first time I realized I had control of the anxiety the ‘dream’ produced.
The ‘dark’ song or melody ? Don’t even ask. I have no desire to even consider searching for it.
That song situation is probably the absolute weirdest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It may be explainable is certain circles, however I have studied and read of many subjects and I fail to link it to anything. Period
I will also say that this is the first time, ever, that anyone, has heard the full story. Only bits and pieces to various persons have been alluded to. Including my mother.
Sorry for the lengthly post, I was unable to edit any further.
Oh ! What was the task that was required of me in my 'dream' ?
I still do not know, I can only surmise
I sure wish that I did
